"My first year of motherhood I lost prayer..." I lost early mornings of quiet, mornings in my pajamas with a Bible in my lap, mornings when I spoke my mind's chaos into God's ear and let the chaos come back ordered, holy sealed. I lost peace. I lost clarity and certitude. My faith was never perfect before my son was born, but somewhere in that first year, somewhere in my distraction and exhaustion, I lost the Spirit-life I had known. I blamed myself.